Wednesday, August 15, 2012

An interesting week last week.....

Last week was one of the weepiest weeks I have had since having the C word. I am on the fifth book in a series of 5 and it is nearing the end of the book with the mother dying of cancer. She is alot like me in the sense that she is not afraid of dying but WHO will be there for the first Christmas play for the grandchildren...the first day of drivers ed...all the firsts in the grandchildrens lives....and I have two daughters to get married off (one wedding in May and the other to hopefully happen SOON) and two who need to have a grandbaby for me. I just want to shake them and tell them to get on with it...I don't know how much time I have....don't they understand? I had a breakdown on the way to look at wedding dresses with Sam (for Leslie) Saturday morning as she could see I had red eyes and was not my usual self. I told her it wasn't fair that four girls under the age of thirty could not only lose their father in a one vehicle accident when they were in high school but now they would someday lose their mother to cancer. It takes 9 months to plan a wedding OR have a baby.I just want to fast forward their lives so I can see as much of it as possible.  Who will be there to enjoy morning coffee with my husband...or when a gun goes go check to make sure he is ok.....who will he ever find to replace me that will watch the politics channel and even learn from him...although I usually call the winners in a presidential election. With all that said...the weekend came and went. Monday was chemo day and my platelets dropped from 118,000 to 75, 000. OUCH! So, I will get them tested in a week at RMH to make sure they do not get into the danger level and I could bleed to death. We were not able to up the level of chemo I received due to the low platelets. BUT, my white count was up and in normal range so that is good. I received the prettiest bouquet of flowers from my cousin and his wife (they are from New York) when I got home from chemo and that of course made me cry. They will be home in a few weeks for my nieces wedding so we will have somewhat of a family reunion. Then Tuesday comes and I get another arrangement from Linda I was doubly humbled.
Sunday, Jenn, (her dog Lainey), Samantha (Laddie, her and Chris's dog), and I went to Red Hill State Park to walk the loop. Then we met my mom and sister, Sarah for lunch at Red Hill. Afterwards, Sarah, Mom, and I went to Sumner for ice cream. My mom informed me I could not die before her. So, I bawled like a baby because she just isn't gripping it and letting God take charge of the situation. ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!  My mom is a picture of darn good health except for being a little chubby (sorry mom). I told her I'd put bets on me going first and she said it was NOT going to happen. Only God knows whats ahead.
Back to chemo day.....I just got the 60 % rate again and so far no side effects. Pat and I even walked when I got home from chemo...about 1 1/2 miles. It was day 3 when I got the "Boot, Scoot, N' Boogy" in the evening so lets hope for that again. One time and it was over with. WHEW!!

I sent my cancer story to MD Anderson and how I became a patient there. I had it proofed by my new friend Lucy who works there and they will send it on to be read and hopefully approved to be posted on the Cancerwise blog that MD Anderson puts out (with a picture of me). It will most likely be late September before it is published. I can then blog and as long as it is ok'd by the MDA could be an ongoing thing. I'll keep you posted.
I think I will go home now and walk...catch some fresh air and thank God I am still here to smell it and even though it mostly smells dry...we will get through this drought as we do all the other things life throws at us....with God by our side, anything is possible!!

Well...I am still finishing this blog and it is far, so good. Pat and I walked again this am...only about 1 1/2 miles but I got up a little late this am. I had an old friend stop by to see me at work. Hadn't seen this friend for a long time but it was nice to catch up and almost forget about cancer for a bit.

I have read my Bible alot over the last few days and I just have to let lose of the control I think I have to have over my life COMPLETELY and let my faith take over 100%. I do not know how I would have made it this far without it. Only God knows when my journey will end in this world. He knows when my last day, my last hour, my last minute will be. I trust in Him completely. I BELIEVE!
God Bless you all


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  2. Good post, Momma. Made me cry. I love you times infinity...

  3. I'm with Sam, you made me cry too! I Love You to the Moon and Back!!!!!!!

  4. Hey Patty, I couldn't help but wipe the tears and I thought don't cry but remember all the good times and laughter we have had together! I once heard that heaven must be a good place to be cause no one has never come back:) Take care with hugs and lots of love!