The few days before I go to M.D. Anderson are spent praying, thinking, meditating, sometimes crying....then getting mad at myself for letting my Faith feel weak. I pray this new chemo that is really taking a toll on my body is killing the cancer cells at a fast rate!
As I was at the Fall Festival yesterday, I just felt a little out of place as a few people stared and then turned as soon as I saw them look at me. It was like they were afraid to come up and say hello...my girls and Pat say it is my imagination...suck it up and that I could have said hello just as easy. But when you get "the stares" from friends...it is hurtful. Maybe it is because my hair is now falling out in handfuls. I am afraid I will wake up one morning and need to extract a hairball from my mouth...yes...it really is that bad. My pillow is covered...it will probably get lint rolled today. I attribute it to the increase in my chemo. I also sleep ALOT more and had to leave work on Thursday at 11 due to falling asleep at my desk. My chemo dosage is at 75 % strength so if it gets to 100% strength....boy will it be a blow. I hope my white count allows me to keep upping it and that it is eating those cancer cells like Pac Man!!
Pat leaves today for his trip to Wyoming (he is traveling with Greg Kuenstler) but there will be about 8 other guys out there at the same time. I see Dr. Goswami on Monday (my cardiologist from Springfield) at St. Anthony's hospital in Effingham. Then Tuesday (mid-morning), Jenn and I will fly off to the big state of Texas and hopefully get good news or at least continued stability from this new chemo. We will fly back in to St. Louis on Thursday afternoon. We will probably post Thursday while sitting in the airport as far as what Dr. Javle has to report. May the scans be clear and easy for the radiologist to read no matter what.
McKenna (the oldest grandaughter) celebrated her 2nd birthday last weekend and then last night Miss Braeda celebrated her 1st birthday. She didn't care half as much about the presents as she did the little cake she got to nose dive into and put handfuls of it into her mouth. Such a ham!!
Am I going to be bald.....YES. Will that in any way make my cancer better or worse....NO. It just makes me look worse in my eyes. I have been blessed to see my grandaughters and grandson on a weekly basis. I will never be cured of cancer unless God's puts his hand on me and grants me a miracle. I pray for stability of this terrible cancer I have.
Pat and I do plan to take a week long drive in the latter part of October. We will just start driving each day and go where God leads us. Definitely toward the New England states and hopefully we will find some pretty foliage some where along the way.
God spoke to me when this battle first started...I have faith he is always right beside me. There isn't a battle I cannot win if He is with me. I have already outlived the odds for this type of cancer, so I will keep fighting until God changes my game plan. God is in total control of my life, and I praise Him for the quality of life I have lived so far.
I pray for all CC patients that someone may find a cure soon for all of us. I pray for all cancer patients and people with other diseases. I pray for Ed Hattaway who has been missing for almost two weeks. May God look over this man and keep him safe until he is found.
God Bless you all and pray to God that I get a super report in less than a week!!
LOTS of HUGS!!
God Bless!!
Patty~~
Awwww Patty, I wish I had seen you at the Fall Festival; I would have given you the biggest hug imaginable. Here's a virtual hug ( )! Will continue to pray for you and your family and friends; you've got such a great support group.
ReplyDeleteWill pray for Pat's safety in Wyoming and safe travels for you and Jenn. Prayer for your doctors, nurses, technicians, and others that care for you in Houston.
Love ya girl. Keep the faith; I KNOW it's hard some times. I pray about my unbelief (at times) and pray for my faith to be strong and continuous. Same for you.
Blessings to you all.
Joan