"Why not me"

I was somewhat leary to trek our way to Houston, Texas this week as I felt like my insides had been put through a meat grinder...sort of.  Sunday, as I prayed and listened to the radio as Pat drove to Houston....something said to me "WHY NOT YOU??   (This was when I was pondering what I could do next to kill the cancer cells if the clinical trial pill had quit working.  WHY NOT ME to be the one to get some good news. WHY NOT ME to keep marching on in this fight! 
You see, when I got the devastating news that I had cancer, I didn't say "Why ME!"   I said "Why not me!!"  I didn't want to wish it on anyone else in the whole wide world....so I pledged to fight like a big girl and give it all I had.
My daily prayer as I was getting ready this morning was this:
My steadfast Love never ceases, My mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. I know how you desperately want to believe this--and how much you are struggling to do so. Today, the only things that seem endless are your problems and your pain. But I am here--tenderly present--ready to help you get safely through this day. Believing this truth can make the difference between coping and giving up in despair.


God was with me ALL of today....and every day!  Sometimes when I start to worry....I pray...and I pray...and I pray some more. Thank you God for realizing that I needed You to hold me up...to know that I will continue marching!!


Dr. Javle said my scan report was the first thing he looked at this morning. It was the best thing he looked at this morning. He was so happy with my scan...as was everyone in the office. They all were excited when they saw me and knew of the great report Dr. Javle was anxiously awaiting to tell me. I had two very small tumors residual from the main big cholangiocarcinoma in my liver that are now gone. ERASED! No MORE!   Then there is the aortal lymph node that put me on this trial because it doubled over a two month period back in January. After being on the clinical trial for two months, it shrunk a lot and my cancer marker was 7.  Today my cancer marker is 5.8!!!   My platelets had been hanging around 109,00 to 118,000....today, they are 142,000!!   That is awesome news.  My liver is stable, my kidney function is good, and my blood work is mostly all in normal limits.


I met friends from Oregon for lunch on Monday.....and then saw them again as we were waiting for the trial drug. She asked me if I thought God had a hand in my good results....Oh yes...he has EVERYTHING to do with them!!  He calms me, He talks to me, He directs me when I am weak, He is right beside me all the time.  Yes, I have been blessed with GOOD dr's....but God is MY Great Physician!!


So, Pat and I are planning a 10-12 day trip to Venice, Italy and a cruise along the coast of Greece in August. I am going to live and try to enjoy every day of this life.


As Pat and I were eating lunch with the above mentioned friends, Lisa asked my husband, Pat how we deal with all of this cancer stuff. I will leave you with his response:


"None of us really know for sure from one day to the next. Since it is already past noon today, today is looking pretty good!! And tomorrow seems like a fair possibility. We just have thank God for every day that we wake up and make the best of that day! Isn't that all any of us really have?"


So be thankful for every day....just as I am thankful and blessed!!


Hugs,
Patty Corcoran

Stable and back on the trial.

I just returned from Texas Thursday evening and I am pretty "o.k." with the dr visit. My bloodwork was better and Creatinine was 1.00. Phosphate Serum was 3.5...so back on the trial I am.  I am on the 75 mg dose of the BGJ 398 drug. I will go to RMH (local hospital) and have my creatinine checked to make sure it hasn't raised. I do not need to be dealing with cancer and failing kidneys!!  Dr. Javle didn't say that he wanted me to do the extra labwork but I want to stay aware of where things stand. I will go off the drug if needed...if my levels are good, I will stay on the drug and march on. He is not too worried about my creatinine level...and says it is just borderline high for the trial. Novartis wouldn't want a patient on the trial to have kidneys that failed...now would they!

It was a good visit at MDA....the new haircut was a hit although my nurse (a man) came out twice to get me and I had my back to him and he finally called my name. The clinical trial nurse Ashley, who we all love is leaving MDA for a job elsewhere.  It was a good visit.....good labs, good EKG, Eye visit, I lost 4 pounds...somewhere-still looking for where it went!! ;-)  and a good visit with the good doctor J.  I asked him about Keytruda...a drug used for melanoma but has proven to work for other cancers. You have to have a certain PD-1 type of cell for this drug to work well on your tumor....but he is willing to call the drug company and maybe see about starting a trial for CC patients with this type of cell. 

As a new family travels to find hope at MD Anderson, there are others who end their battle of treatments at MD Anderson. I am not sure when my day will come and I am confident we will ALL be faced with death at some point in time. I am not ready to throw in the towel and I believe I have not finished Gods work here on earth. But when I feel he is knocking on my door, I will be there~~

I got a new bracelet today and I will leave you with what it says.

TRUST IS  LOT EASIER WHEN YOU QUIT WORRYING ABOUT WHAT COULD GO WRONG AND REMEMBER HOW MUCH LIFE YOU'RE GOING TO LIVE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS~~

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!!

I will end tonight's blog post with a tribute to my mother-in-law. JoAnn Corcoran was truly a happy person who rarely saw a stranger. She was so very proud of her son, Pat and daughter, Lisa.  Tom and Kate (Pat's children) were the love of her life in years later....and she retired from being in the White county school district for many years. JoAnn...better know to her grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren as Mema was always there with a smile on her face. She loved the pictures Lisa would print off and were pasted all over the front of her refrigerator. As we pay tribute to her tomorrow, I can only hope people remember me as fondly as they will her. She will be missed~~

Hugs,
Patty