Monday, May 2, 2011 is 2:45 a.m. and cannot sleep. No pain or anything like that....just can't sleep. Went to bed at 8:30 Sunday napping during the day.....I could blame it on a full moon but the pitter patter on my roof tells me that's not it. 
    I don't think I am troubled by anything as I let God do all the planning so there is no worrying. Maybe some anticipation about the port being put in as the chemo has burnt the veins in both arms so I will get a port on my upper left or right side of my chest this Wednesday. God says to only think about today as he will take care of tomorrow. And so far by golly, he has done just THAT!
    I want to set the record straight about something....I have several people each week ask either me or a close friend of the family how long I have to live as they hear it is just months. I am going to tell you what the dr has said so maybe people will get it right once and for all! I have intra hepatic cholangiocarcenoma. It usually happens in african/asian men age 70 or older. First symptoms are losing 35 pounds and being very jaundice. I am neither of those. Anyone who knows me knows I was riding my bike 20 miles last summer on a regular basis (a day) and sometimes walking 8 miles a day(on weekends and 4 miles during the week). So, for a 70 year old man with the weight loss and jaundice, yes, there is little hope and they are often too weak for chemotherapy. This is when they are sent home with this disease with No hope and lots of pain meds to last them until "the end".
     So, Pat asked the dr (because I could care less about a time line...I just want to live each day as my last and be happy with THAT) how long does she have doc?  The doctors could not answer the question. Alot of IFS...They said in my excellent health, my age, no jaundice, no weight loss......I could take the chemo and in one year, show a dramatic shrinkage in the tumor which is our first approach of pulling it out. Yes, I have had this cancer for atleast two years. There is rarely pain so you do not even know it is there until it is very large. (Mine is appr. 8.5 cm X 10 cm).  I am one of those patients it is not suppose to happen to although it does happen. Another person in Effingham is age 35 with this disease. My dr has treated 5 patients in the last month with this type of cancer....he says it is ON THE RISE in great numbers. Why?  No answer to that yet. The $4000 a month pill I take stops any new cancer cells from growing so hopefully it is doing it's thing and the chemo is doing it's thing and I go back to MD Anderson on June 22 & 23 for a checkup. If the chemo does not work, we could implant radioactive glass beads to see if it would shrink (radioembolization).  There is radiation right to the very tumor we could try(proton therapy).  We can do any of these things to make it shrink and hopefully by the Grace of God, it will.  It is not my journey, it is Our Journey! IF none of these things work over the next few years, we will see what God's plan is then. I will not let myself worry about it  in the "now and present". 
I have had one friend tell me her relationship with God has grown since seeing mine grow so much. I encourage any of you who think you are close, to really evaluate yourself and ask yourself if you are doing everything you can in serving the Lord. Not just the going to church, donating in church, (not that these are not two very important parts of being a good Christian but there is more to it than that) but also getting involved in the community and being a part of maybe enlightening other people to walk in the Light of the Lord.
     It is now 3:15 so I will close for now. I hope I have not bored you too much. Have a super Monday and may God keep you in the palm of His hand!

1 comment:

  1. You are exactly right! We do not know what the plan is and we cannot worry about it. We have to put all our faith in God and trust that his plan is the best thing for us. Being tired is a symptom I think you can deal just will have to realize that you are gonna have to sit in your chaise lounger while the rest of us bust our butts making your landscaping look nice! :) But we are always more than happy to do it. There's no since wasting your energy on your flowerbeds..making shopping..etc. Just let us do it and you can watch and enjoy our presence! :) We love you momma and if anyone can beat's you! God is great and he is already doing AMAZING things through you!!