Mid February of 2011 is when my world split into a million pieces....or did it? I was diagnosed with Intrahepatic Cholangiocarcinoma mid February. After being told I had 9-12 months to live with chemo, I walk away from that dr without knowing where I was even going. I feel God was guiding me.....as I believe He still is to this day.
To say my world was split into a million pieces is an overstatement.....YES, I said overstatement. I didn't ask for cancer, never dreamed it would be knocking at my door soon after I turned 46....but it did. There are so...so...SO many things and people who have came into my life that have changed me as a person. I believe they are changes for the better.
The BIGGEST person to come into my life was GOD. He was always in my life...I have stated before, I was like a soldier. I went to Mass, gave when I could afford in my younger single parent years, and prayed when something was wrong with one of my parents or when my children were in distress. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with cancer that I REALLY asked God to help me. I cried for Him to lift me up when I couldn't stand. I asked Him to carry me when I couldn't walk.....and HE HAS! He has given me more faith and has made me realize that HE is always with me! Something that I lacked in my life prior to cancer.
Cancer has brought so many, many, many, MANY people across my path in the world of cancer. People who maybe find my blog and I get a phone call from countries far away....one of my first questions to them is..."Do you believe in God?" ANYONE with cholangiocarcinoma can tell you life with God when going through such a tough battle is like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel instead of just.....darkness.
I just ask each of you to stop in your busy "I don't have time for____" thoughts and ask yourself what you can do to make the world a brighter place. What can you do as a sacrifice just as God made for us. I am not going to push God down your throat, that is a personal decision you have to make...just as I did. But you never know when your last day will be. Do you?
So....fast forward five years, 6 grandchildren with one due in just a few short weeks.....life is great for me. I am so thankful for my life. I have never known when my last day would be.....I have had a cerebral hemorrhage, blood clots throughout my upper body, many chemo cocktails that had my tail dragging for months, I am on my third separate plan of radiation. God has been there....I have leaned on Him....and I know He carried me when I couldn't stand. But...I am here, and I am thankful!
So, with that said, I will give a brief update on my stay in Houston while getting IMRT to a lymph node that we have been watching for some time, but Dr. J decided it was time to act. I am 5 days into my IMRT with 23 treatments to go (I get the weekends off for good behavior ;-). I also take Xeloda (a chemo pill- 6 a day) to also knock that lymph node into space. Week one has been pretty good. A little fatigue but Pat and I did walk on Thursday and Friday. I even lifted a few weights! So, I shall march on into the radiation as long as labwork and my body hold up. I feel pretty good. Pat and I attended 10 am Mass at Holy Ghost Catholic Church in Houston and then met Clyde and Cindy (Bateman) Leuchtag for a wonderful lunch! Then back to our donated camper which is quite nice!! There are approximately 350 campers here and everyone seems friendly. Thank you Ted and Jackie (Muhs) Ley!!
Tomorrow, I start week two of radiation. The nutritionist has already stopped in to visit me during my visit with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Das. She knows I get to a point and can't hardly eat and start to lose weight. I am armed and ready with Ensure high protein shakes, protein powder, and high protein bars......I pray I skip right thru this so I can go home to roost with a new grandbaby!!
If I would have died as the first opinion doctor stated, I would never have saw my first grandchild. I am so very thankful for time. I have learned that LOVE is the most important thing....and everything else kind of falls in place after that. I can't worry about when or where I will die. I just can't. I feel like I would be disappointing God if I just worried all the time....cried...or just plain gave up. No, God wants me to use this time to live, love, make a difference, and be the best person I can be because there was a time that I didn't care who I stomped on in life. I am not that person anymore. I strive to be a better person but I am not perfect. There have been so so SO many wonderful people who have passed before me. I cannot ask God why.....I can only thank Him for giving me this "extra" time to give thanks and praise to His name! This is not meant to be of ANY disrespect who have had loved ones pass before me with this dreaded disease. I grieve with each family as I know many CC patients do. You see....through networking, Facebook, and more importantly, the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation, who has woven hundreds of us CC patients together into a tight family that is there emotionally for each other. The resources, clinical trial info, patient networking, doctors who specialize in CC all over the world, drug info....the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation is #1 for CC patients.
I thank each and every one of you for your prayers. Life is good....
Blessing to you all!!
Patty Corcoran
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